How Can a Husband Initiate Better Communications With His Wife Without Pushing Them Away?

Quite often in intimate relationships, communications is the first to go. People get too comfortable, too relaxed or just too lax and they begin to grow apart. When this happens, men and women react in interesting ways. Men tend to withdraw, shutting down and hoping that the situation will work itself out. Women, on the other hand, try to identify the problem and fix it – at first anyway.

While women are attempting to work out the problems, the men are withdrawing and eventually the women will stop trying. When this happens, there becomes a great gap between the partners. They grow apart. Sometimes this leads to divorce, sometimes it leads to affairs and sometimes it just leads to two strangers existing under the same roof. If you are a man and you find that you and your wife are worlds apart even while you are in the same room, know that there are things you can do to bring you together. Tread softly, though, because pushing too hard, too fast will only drive her away.

Try Talking
This may seem like it is too simple, but try just talking to her. You may not want to broach any heavy topics at first, just talk to her. Ask her how her day went, what book she is reading or how her garden is going. Take an interest in her, what she does and who she is. When you show an interest in her she will take note. Notice when she does her hair or when she wears a new dress. This may be tough, so if you dont feel strong in that area, just notice when she looks nice. The key is to notice her.

These things can be good conversation starters and they will show her that you notice her not only as your wife, but as an individual and as a woman. That is very important to folks of the female persuasion. So often women marry and have children and that becomes their identity. They become Mr. Soandso's wife or Little Soandso's mother. When you notice her for the woman that she is, she is sure to appreciate it.

Start Small
Rome wasn't built in a day and a struggling marriage cant be repaired in a day either. It probably wont turn out so great if you just grab her and kiss her passionately (although some women would respond favorably to this). Your best bet is to start small. Talk to her, leave her notes or send her emails, call her during the day just to tell her that you are thinking about her or that you love her.

As you feel the space between you becoming less and less, take her hand, touch her face, look into her eyes. This is not sexual touching, this is intimacy. Touch her with love, talk to her with love and dont be afraid to let your love show.

Write it Down
If you cant seem to find the words to speak, try writing it down. Write her a letter or note, pick up a card that says what you feel. Sometimes it is much easier to write your feelings down than it is to speak them. An advantage to writing a letter is that you can take your time composing just the right words.

You can write and rewrite until you express exactly what you want to say to her. Write notes, letters, write in cards, anything that allows you to get your point across to her. Email is an option, but realize that email is devoid of emotion. Your words may be taken wrong and the type can be considered impersonal and even cold. A handwritten note is warmer and conveys more feeling.

Make her Laugh
Laughter has the amazing power to heal wounds, soothe pain and mend broken fences in relationships. Find things that you can do that allow you to laugh together. If you are a clown, just joke with her, be playful with her and laugh with her. Rent funny movies, read funny books, you can even read the Sunday comics together. Find the humor in everyday things and communicate that humor her, share your comedic outlook with her. Make her laugh and you will lighten her heart.

Take her on a Date
There are very few women who dont respond favorably to being courted. Plan a date with her, but gear it to her personality. If she is the romantic sort, find a romantic restaurant, or allow her to pick one, and take her there. One of the most romantic things a man ever told me was, “There are some cultures that believe when two people eat off of each others plates they are bound for life.” That was our first date – and we are still together. He isn't the romantic sort, but he is not afraid to let his feelings show.

You don't have to be soppy and romantic all the time, but don't close yourself off either. Let her in now and then. Let her know how you feel. Sometimes just gently cupping her face in your hands, looking into her eyes and whispering “I love you” will convey exactly how you feel. Sometimes the gentle little reminders mean more and have more impact that shouting it from the rooftops. Be honest, be yourself.