Relationships-Grandparents Don't Have to Be On Call

For some reason, when adult children start having their own children, they assume that their mom and dad will always be on call for babysitting. As grandparents, we're of course thrilled to have new grandbabies to play with and dote over, and we may even love spending as much time with them as we possibly can… even when that means we have to do it through being a babysitter.

As the grandchildren get older though, a pattern is established which can sometimes be quite unfair to the grandparents. Just because we're older and retired, does not mean we have nothing to do with our time. As grandparents we love our grandchildren yes, and we love our grown adult children too, but we need to be sure we're setting limits on how often we're available to babysit, and under what conditions we're willing to do so.

Essentially, we need to talk to our adult children and make sure they understand that we have our own lives, interests, friends, and activities. We cannot and will not be on call anytime of the day or night to babysit the grandchildren.

Now this talk is essential to have with your adult children as early as possible. You may want to consider talking to them before the first grandchild is born, so they'll know right from the start where those boundaries are.

You'll need to be clear with your children about your wants in this matter too. Make sure you explain to them that you'd love to babysit the grandchildren when they as parents need a break. But also make sure they understand which limitations need to be in place too.

If for instance, you'd like to establish a grandparents day each week or each month, then broach that with your adult children. Let them know that having a grandparents day allows them some free time as a couple without children, and allows you time with your grandchildren to encourage and develop strong, close relationship ties.

Also be sure your children know that you'll be there for them in the event of any emergencies - assuming you can be - but that you don't want to be a constant drop point for the grandchildren out of the blue without any warnings.

With that said of course, if your preferences are different than those noted above, you would talk about those with your children as well. If for instance, you want to be the daily care provider for the grandchildren while their parent's are at work, then by all means make that offer to your adult children.

If you do provide the daily care for the grandchildren though, you'll still need to make sure there are boundaries in place. It wouldn't be fair for instance, if you had an agreement to watch the grandkids until 5pm each day, but the parents didn't show up or even call until 10pm.

Talking about these types of arrangements and agreements with your adult children early will help set the precedence for the entire growing life of your grandchildren. And it will allow you to spend plenty of quality time with those grandkids, without feeling guilty about taking time off for yourself and having your own active life in the process too.