Relationships-How to Not Undermine Your Children's Authority

When your adult children have children of their own, one of the most difficult things for you to get used to is that they're supposed to have a certain level of authority where their children are concerned. If you disagree with how your children treat their own children though, you could find yourself tempted to undermine their authority with those children in any number of ways. If you do this, you risk creating a rift between yourself and your own children which may never be able to be fully repaired.

Adults have a difficult time raising children to begin with and establishing authority over their children is a very important part of this process, yet many new parents aren't quite sure how to go about doing that. If the grandparents interfere with their efforts though, it makes things that much harder for the parents in the end, and it can create massive problems between your children and their own children as those grandkids grow.

When children don't respect their parents, they act out in a variety of ways. Some of these may seem cute when the grandkids are young, and some of them may seem quite harmless too. Over time though, those cute little kids grow up. And as the kids grow, you will see ever increasing behavior problems from them if they have no respect for their own parent's authority.

This is why it's so important that you, as the grandparent, make every effort to not undermine your adult child's authority with their own children.

The first step to making sure you aren't undermining your child's authority as a parent - either on purpose or accidentally - is to speak to them. When you have this discussion with your adult children, you may want to do it in private at first, without the grandchildren around.

Having this conversation with your child will allow you to ask what the rules in general are, and you'll be able to ask about specific rules and restrictions too. By having this talk in private at first, you'll also be able to freely question your adult child's decisions and possibly suggest alternatives or compromises if needed.

If the grandchildren were to hear you question the rules and decisions their parents have in place, they could subconsciously see that as you challenging Mom and Dad's authority. The same applies to making gentle suggestions or compromise requests too.

If the grandkids hear these suggestions and requests, it could register in their minds as an "option" with Grandma or Grandpa when needed. So get everything as clear as you can with your own children privately, and make sure they understand you're doing this in an attempt to support their decisions with their children.

Once you and your children have discussed everything in detail, then you may want to sit down together with the children, and spell out the rules which are in place. This presents a united authority front to the children, and reinforces to them that Mom and Dad are to be fully respected. Make sure the children understand that Mom and Dad are the boss, you support their decisions completely, and their rules and restrictions apply even in your home too.