Relationships-How Much Do We Help Our Adult Children - 4

Let's continue with the discuss about helping your adult children.

One thing that you must never do is shy away from listening to them in times of acute crisis and/or loss. You may not be in a position or you may be unwilling to help financially. However, don't put yourself in a position of what the adult child may perceive as abandonment by being unwilling to talk about their issues with them. You may be unwilling or not able to help financially or it may not be appropriate but you should never abandon them emotionally.

Your adult child needs to know that you care about them. In an uncertain, tough world, you are the bedrock or security for your adult children as you have probably experienced some of the same situations as they are going through now in their life. You need to listen with your heart and if they need more than just listening, then by the act of listening, you may make it easier for them to look at other options.

Let them know that whatever help you may be able to give them is temporary. The terms, guidelines and expectations of the help you are offering must be discussed up front. You should also be sure to let them know under what circumstances or conditions that the help you are offering will stop. Repayment terms must be set up in clear and easily understood terms so it is crystal clear that you expect to be repaid for any help you are offering.

If an adult child is forced to move back home for any circumstance, be very clear about your expectations of them living with you. Make it clear that they are more than welcome to live in your home as long as they are respectful you and contribute in some way. You also need to remember that they are adults and that a 10:00 PM curfew is inappropriate. However, if they do not expect to return home for an evening, you should be told so that you don't expect them and can close the house for the night. The important thing to remember is to keep avenues of communication open so that you and your adult children can discuss any issue as they arise. This will eliminate hard feelings on both sides.