Relationships-Appropriate Methods of Discipline for Grandchildren

If you've spent any time alone with your grandchildren, chances are the issue of discipline has come up at least once. They've probably done something that displeased you, was dangerous, or was simply against your house rules or their parent's rules. But there's also a good chance that you hesitated before disciplining them …or you didn't discipline them at all.

This is indeed a delicate situation, because it's not just about your grandchildren – it's about your adult child, too. Some adult children resent when their parents start disciplining their children, as if they feel their parents are saying, "you aren't raising them right."

But let's face it, if you spend time with the grandchildren, and especially if you baby sit them, you'll need to deal with the discipline issue sooner or later.

Your best bet is to start out by talking to the parents. Ask them what sorts of rules they've laid down for the children, and what consequences the children must face if they break the rules. Then have an open discussion about what rules you'd like for the grandchildren at your house, and the consequences you'll hand down.

It's much better to have an open discussion now, rather than upsetting the parents later on after you've already disciplined the child. For example, you may think a quick swat on the behind is acceptable, while the parents disapprove. Not talking about things like this up front can cause hard feelings down the road.

After you and the parents have discussed discipline, then you should sit down with your grandchildren and discuss the rules and the consequences. Generally it's a good idea to keep as few rules as possible (although those rules should cover most events that are likely to happen).

This is especially true of younger children, where the rules can basically be summed up as don't hurt others or their property. For older children you may have to set more specific rules, such as rules about not touching the stove without supervision.

As you did with your own children, be sure to follow through on the consequences when rules are broken. Sometimes children will test you to see if the rules are bendable. Once they discover that you were serious about the rules and the consequences, your grandchildren will usually cease pushing the envelope and respect your rules.

However, having rules in the household doesn't mean that you need to be especially strict – and, with your adult's child permission, you don't need to have the same rules in your house as the grandchildren have at home. After all, grandparents are known for letting the kids "get away with" staying up a little later, or eating snacks for dinner from time to time. Because of this the kids have more fun at your house, and you get to spend more time enjoying your grandchildren and less time wrapped up in disciplining. And isn't that what grandparenting is all about?