Relationships-How to Care For One Parent When the Other Dies

Caring for aging parents can be a difficult thing for adult children to do, particularly when one parent dies. Often when couples have been married for very long periods of time and one of them dies, the survivor is more than just bereft. In fact, it's common for the surviving spouse to feel lost in the world without their life partner of so many years and they are unsure of what they're supposed to do now that they're alone. This is where the adult children can become life savers to that surviving parent.

The first thing you'll need to do for your surviving parent is to help them through the grief period as best you can. How long they'll grieve for their lost spouse will vary from one person to another as everyone grieves differently. One person may stay in denial for awhile, and try to laugh and joke about everything while another may go into a deep depression and want little contact with anyone. Others may try to live the rest of their lives as enthusiastically as they can though, by taking up new hobbies, traveling more, or making many new friends.

As an adult child, the best thing that you can do to help your surviving parent through this change in their life is to be there as much as possible. If the remaining parent doesn't live with you, then make an attempt to call or visit them regularly. Checking in with them each day is best for awhile after their spouse has passed away, and if you're not able to do that then try to have a friend or other close relative do so.

One of the best ways to help care for your living parent after the other has died is to try to get them to live closer to you. The suggestion may need to wait until your surviving parent has had time to grieve, but eventually it can make things much easier on you, your family, and your surviving parent.

You don't have to actually move your parent into the same house with you if neither of you want this either. In fact, a popular form of housing for aging parents these days is known as Elder Cottage Housing, or ECHO. With this living arrangement, your surviving parent can live in a small separate living space which is located on your property. This way, they'll still be independent, yet have loving family close by to help keep them busy, take care of them in an emergency, and give them the much needed emotional support they'll need from the death of their spouse.

Elder Cottage Housing can be done with a small stationary building in your backyard for instance, or by putting in a mobile home or RV too. Other ways this is accomplished is by building an apartment over the garage, or in the basement of the existing home.

Besides living arrangements though, one of the ways you'll need to take care of your living parent after the other dies is by making sure all paperwork is in order. Many older couples for instance, don't share financial information and responsibility. Thus if one parent dies, the other may not have any idea about whether there is life insurance, health insurance, financial investments, banking accounts and so on. As the responsible adult child, part of taking care of your surviving parent may involve trying to sort out all of the legal and financial aspects of your parent's life together too.