Relationships: Who is Going to Care For Your Aging Parents

Determining Who Takes Responsibility for Aging Parents

There comes af time when the it is apparent that your parents require more care. There will be a time when your aging parents will need help to do the Activities of Daily Living (ADL), It will be natural for things to become awkward between you and your parents and it's difficult for both parties to accept that their roles have permanently reversed. The parents who took care of you when growing up are in need of care, and it's up to you to provide the care.

The Proper Time and Place to Discuss Responsibility

If you're not an only child, you and your siblings, must set up a meeting among all of you, but away from your parents' sight and hearing. This is necessary because you'll be discussing several sensitive issues concerning your parents, and these topics may unduly cause pain to your parents if they hear about it.

So…Who Takes Responsibility?

Everyone must take responsibility for caring for their aging parents. Your parents probably dedicated their time, effort, and lives to ensure that all of you had brighter futures to look forward to when growin up. They have given you unconditional love and support. It is every child's responsibility to return that which they have received from their parents by giving them back the love and care they've been given over the years.

Responsibilities Must Be Shared

Even though one of your siblings may be willing to shoulder all responsibilities of taking care of your aging parents, this responsibility is best shared by all of the family. Talk and see who among you is better suited to handle which responsibility. Siblings with successful careers may be more suited to taking care of the financial aspect of caring for aging parents. Those who have lots of free time on their hands can take care of seeing to their parents' business concerns, or other matters that they can't take care of.

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Talk to Your Parents

Once you and your siblings have agreed about who does what and when, it's time to talk to your parents. You must, however, let your parents voice their wishes first to see if their needs and desires coincide with the plans you've settled on. If it doesn't, find a compromise. Remember to be very tactful when discussing this particular topic with your parents; one wrong word and your parents might think you're looking for a way to get rid of them!

Personal Care or Hired Services?

Seeing to your obligations to your parents doesn't necessarily mean that all of you might have to completely change your lives to personally take care of your parents. If you don't think your parents would be hurt with such a decision, you could consider hiring a caregiver or relocate your parents to a nursing home. Keep in mind, however, that some parents feel they're being abandoned and neglected when their children choose to send them to nursing homes.

Advantages and Disadvantages of Hiring a Caregiver

Pros – You can employ a live-in caregiver for your parents and ensure that all their needs are fully met at whatever time of the day. A caregiver may also equipped to handle some medical and nursing tasks that you may not be capable of.

Cons – Having a caregiver can be costly, depending on the financial arrangements. Trusting the lives of your parents to a total stranger is also a big decision to make, especially when it turns out that the caregiver you've hired is irresponsible and/or negligent.

Advantages and Disadvantages of Putting Your Parents to an Assisted Living or Nursing Home
Pros – You'll feel doubly safe with your parents residing in a nursing home because a staff of professionals are present 24/7, ready to serve all the needs of their residents. Living is a Assisted Living or Nursing Home may even be fun once your parents find friends their age to keep company with.

Cons – Besides the expected costs, putting your parents to a nursing home may also constitute as an act of abandonment and betrayal in their eyes.

It's What They Want that Counts the Most
This is a very important point. No matter how strong, healthy, or rich your parents are their age is a good indication that they only have a few years left to enjoy their lives. Make it your personal obligation to ensure that they'll be cared for in comfort and with dignity.