Relationships: How to Get Rid of The Mind-Reader Approach to Communication

Are you in a relationship where your partner always assumes that you can read their mind? They seem to leave out any details about a situation and then get mad when you did not "understand" them. Although they do not realize it, many couples out there have what is called a "mind-reader" syndrome. It is simply the act of assuming that the other person already knows how you feel, what you are trying to explain, or what is bothering you. This can happen if one person has trouble with getting in touch with his or her own feelings, and even worse is the inability to communicate those feelings with their spouse.

These kind of people are everywhere, and they believe that their partner will somehow magically know how they feel. For example, a wife may assume that, just because her husband loves and cherishes her, that he'll automatically know she is bothered by something, and expects him to approach her about it. That is just too much to expect from any one person. Is it possible that this is happening in your marriage or longstanding relationship? Perhaps you're not explaining your needs and expressing your thoughts as clearly as you think you are.

To help with this problem, use the short checklist below to help focus your feelings and to specify exactly what you would like to change instead of being critical or complaining about something.

Whenever an argument or disagreement surfaces, ask yourself the following questions because doing so will help you clarify your own needs so you can lessen or even avoid problems altogether:

1. What exactly is it that I am thinking and feeling right now?

2. What is it that I want my partner to know right now, in this very moment, that he or she may not realize?

3. Am I assuming that my partner knows something that I have not explained to them? If so, what is it?

4. Am I acting in an immature or childish manner that I thought I had outgrown? Does my tone of voice or my actions say something that I may not be saying directly? Could my partner be totally misinterpreting what I really mean?

By using the checklist, you will be able to explain how you are feeling and why you feel that way so your partner knows what they are and how to react to them.